“I Do”, three letters, two words, two simple syllables that when spoken during a wedding ceremony forever change your life! Those two simple words represent a commitment; a covenant that is meant to last ‘until death do us part.’
I said those words exactly 20 years ago today! I have thought a lot lately about all the experiences my husband Jim and I have shared. We moved eight times in the first three years, we renovated an old car, we became born again, we birthed a business, we birthed a child, we re-established strong bonds with his three children (from a previous marriage), we watched each other work through past sins with God, we’ve renovated our house, we have shared in the death of a parent, we have celebrated together and wept together, we have faced plenty and scarcity, and we have grown closer to God.
Many of our experiences have brought difficult challenges and strains to our relationship. There have been times when we each wondered whether our marriage would survive, but through it all those two words have kept us together.
I don’t know if Jim and I would have survived the difficult times had it not been for God’s grace and mercy. God’s help, love and guidance has made it possible to uphold the commitment we made to each other. And, we are grateful God gave us parents that modeled commitment as well (Jim’s parents were married 67 years and my parents have celebrated 53 years together). My Dad always said, ‘Marriage takes 100% from both people; it’s not 50-50’.
The other day a friend asked if I thought marriage got easier the longer you are together. I said that I thought it got harder. Between the demands of life and the needs of children, it is easy to stop putting energy in the husband/wife relationship. But, like our relationship with God, time must be made each day to cultivate and work at building and strengthening our marriage.
I’ve realized that it is the intimate relationships, with our Lord, our spouse, our children, and our friends that define us, help us to grow, and mold us into men and women that God wants us to be. Relationships, especially the key ones (God, spouse, children, parents, siblings) are used by Him, similarly to the way rocks are polished by tumbling up against one another, to make us better, purer, stronger for His purposes.
Today’s culture has undermined the value of intimate committed relationships. Cohabitation, divorce, recreational sex, babies born to unwed moms, and children raised without a father’s presence have become acceptable lifestyles with no concern about the negative impact it has on society or individuals. And to some degree, the increase in occurrence of these living arrangements has also been the result of relationships without commitment.
What impact will a lack of commitment in relationships, or anything else, have on our society today, ten years from now, a hundred years from now? What impact can Christianity, God’s people, His Church have on re-establishing the virtue of committed relationships, committed marriages, committed families in our culture?
God working through His people, His Church can have a huge impact because what God ordains, He remains committed to. When God created marriage, He knew what ‘I Do’ would mean. He knew how hard it would be to keep that covenant, and He promises to help us.
I believe every church must also be committed to building up marriages and families. Put a family relationship building idea in the bulletin once a month (turn off the TV one night a week!), hold a family picnic, encourage older couples to mentor young couples, review the marriage-prep curriculum, establish a family or marriage covenant for the parish, make family and marriage family resources available, give a sermon on commitment and most of all pray for the families in the parish. I also encourage families to adopt single folks into their family unit, including them during special occasions, holidays or any day.
God wants to help us in all of our relationships. When Jim and I first met, he said that any meaningful relationship should make both people better because of it. I believe our marriage has been that kind of relationship and I thank God for it, because it is His will that all marriages and families affirm each person, each life. That is the purpose behind their design.
I’m glad I said “I Do” 20 years ago, but in all honesty if I knew then what I know now, I would have said “I do, with God’s help”.
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